JAKE CLELAND

brothershandmirror asked: ha ha, u the only one frownin, homie.

GRANT YOU LEAVE MELBOURNE’S YARN ALONE GODDAMNIT

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bombing yarn bombing - 2012 - a collaborative piece by multiple drunk ppl who hate yarn bombing

:(

"It breaks my heart to say this because I am usually 100% behind Tyra Colette re: life choices and skillz but the girl is no good at volleyball and no amount of creative editing can hide that."

"I had a nightmare about you last night."

d-e-q:

guys the internet!!! hahaha i am like singing along to old nationals songs and going through old google docs, WOOOOO, it’s like 2010 is NOW. 

"Lots of people name their swords."
"Lots of cunts."
Christ I hope the reason Martin is taking so long on the new book is because he’s working out the best way to spin off a new series called The Extended Adventures of Arya and The Hound.

"Lots of people name their swords."

"Lots of cunts."

Christ I hope the reason Martin is taking so long on the new book is because he’s working out the best way to spin off a new series called The Extended Adventures of Arya and The Hound.

Same shit. Unless you had dates to the formal in which case, not the same shit.

Same shit. Unless you had dates to the formal in which case, not the same shit.

Important question seeing as some of you (a lot of you, oh boy) are Americans: did you, like, ask people to go to prom? I’m watching the latest Parks & Rec. We don’t have proms in Australia, we just get in a ring and box with a series of increasingly powerful animals until we die or pass into adulthood have valedictory dinners, which are kind of prom-like but either to spare us the embarrassment or to discourage teenage sex, we didn’t have dates. I totally had a girlfriend though and she was the smartest most accomplished girl in school and apparently I got so drunk that night I went up to this dude who had a crush on her and whispered “I won” in his ear but I’ve grown a lot since then. I’m just curious if prom is actually like it is in imaginary America. Who did you go to prom with?

Do you have unusually pale skin? You don’t have to be white to be pale. If yes then cook up one or two (depending on the size) medium rare steaks (the best way to do this) If, by the time you’re done enjoying the second one, you have a new pinkish color throughout your body that you haven’t had in a while, read no farther; you are a real vampire. Humans can’t digest blood let alone get color from it, real vampires do.

NOTE: The extra work involved in trying to eat medium rare or rare meat can cause a temporary pink color to the skin which is otherwise known as being flushed. Temporarily being flushed is not the color that is being referred to when a vampire gets color from the blood in the steak. It takes a lot less human blood than animal blood to get the same effect but animal blood is way easier to get.) If you were white before and still are you should see a doctor. Odds are you aren’t a real vampire, you’re just malnourished, and they can help.

—Thanks to jhermann I just found this website with a list of how to tell if you’re a vampire. Pretty useful stuff. cc tandess as well because I mean, obviously.

Forget the move like Jagger. I want to move like Bangalter .

Do you sometimes, when you’re in public, find yourself overhearing a conversation you wish you were a part of more than the one you’re currently in? I had this yesterday morning when the couple at the table next to us were talking about all kinds of wonderful things and then one of them ventured, “I don’t consider the last Daft Punk album a Daft Punk album.”

(Source: lilgaaby, via captainfuck)

So much life has been lived in these couple decades and change.

So much life has been lived in these couple decades and change.

I’ve become curious about the way my phone’s screen turns off. It’s a Nexus, and I’m not sure if this is specific to the model or all Android phones but upon pressing the off button, the dark nothingness zips in from top and bottom and zaps out the light in the middle as if it were an old television. I wonder if this is a genuine outcome of the phone’s machinery or a software-encoded reaction to simulate that familiar closure. Children growing up right now will have no idea why the cameras on their increasingly thin soul gems make a chk-chak noise. It’s just the noise the app makes, after all. They’ll have no understanding that it’s a simulation of a genuine noise produced by the moving mechanics of an ancient and entirely separate device, one which was basically a load of bullshit because you couldn’t even put a filter on your photo without having an entire fucking room and a bunch of chemicals to do so. I find these simulations haunting as they are historical, like every device now is a museum of curios, exhibiting the fading ghosts of analogue experiences.